Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
