my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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