Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
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