my phone needs a breathalizer
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
