Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
He's on the porch naked. Help.
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