went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
