There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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