how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
