when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I said "one day" and that day is not today
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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