i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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