Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
