Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
