Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
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