my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize