Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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