o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
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