he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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