im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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