A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
