hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
i think we sleep fucked last night...
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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