I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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