i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
