I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
