What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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