That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
