Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
