I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
