does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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