There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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