Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
