I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
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