what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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