Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
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