Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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