She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Randomize
