oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
