I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
