i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
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