I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
