and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Girls should come with a carfax report
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
