Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
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