Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Randomize
