Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
