Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
