I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
