In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize