I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I'm at about main and main street
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Randomize
