It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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