I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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