This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
