So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
