Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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