You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
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Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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