ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
