Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I just found a bag of teeth...
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
