Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I am mentally ready for anal.
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