true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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