i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
