why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
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