Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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