you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
