I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Randomize
