I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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