I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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