take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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