well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
