we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
